Up! storyboard captures film's loveliness

You know Up! is getting the royal BJ treatment all over the internets and reviewers generally agree that it's amazing.  That's because it's pretty awesome. Not faultless, but pretty awesome. While it isn't as haunting or memorable as Coraline was, it has one of the most beautiful opening sequences I've ever seen. Anyone who fears for the next generation of ADD-addled kids should have seen all the youngsters at the screening I went to sit rapt through the first 5 minutes which featured barely any dialogue or explosions. Today Gizmodo posted this animation script, created by Pixar's Lou Romano. It tells the story of Up! in 120 beautiful frames, and it's amazing.

The very best of Three Wolf Shirt reviews

Recently, a t-shirt on Amazon started getting reviews about its magic powers. Almost 500 of them. College Humor is taking credit, and mainstream media is all over the story. Viral-ironic-review-gasm! Now that there are so many reviews, it's hard to find the funny ones that made this whole thing so popular in the first place. In the spirit of filtering out the garbage for the sake of finding hilarious reading material (and after sifting through 48 pages of reviews), I give you the top 'Three Wolf Moon' reviews:

"When I put it on, the effect was immediate. 33% more wolf was almost too much to handle. It was like wearing 1500 ccs of chaps on a 1800 cc motorcycle. The vibrations alone were almost enough to throw me off my stride. And the fact that the third wolf faces backwards while howling, demonstrating individuality at the same time as unity of purpose and nobility of spirit, was a metaphor so powerful Roy, the guy who steals my mail, practically took his own foot off with his weed whacker the moment he saw me.

Jesus.

After suturing him up with some spare baling twine, I trotted down to the hardware store to stock up. Bad idea. The rippling of my well endowed man curves apparently set the wolves to almost a hypnotic shimmering, trapped and yet freed under the opalescent moon they eternally worship and yet deny. Some guy took one look at me and backed right into a concrete planter. I almost stopped to see if he was ok, but then I remembered that wolves don't stop for anybody, particularly when howling."
- Yossarian

I hit upon the idea of buying all the sizes between mine and the largest available, and wearing them in layers. The following is a cautionary tale.

I wore the first shirt, and I could feel the icy cold polar winds cooling my mind. I felt my hands first go numb, then tingle with warm energy that seared from my fingertips up to chest. I did not wait to try the initial mystic powers of this shirt as others have, but in foolish haste wore the next one on top.

Lo and behold, a portal opened on my chest and brilliant white light emanated from it. My ears rang with the voices of generations of Ancient Wolves -- who all spoke like James Earl Jones -- whispering to me, revealing dark secrets in an unspeakable tongue. My mind latched on to the highest level of consciousness as the underlying structure of the Universe, nay, Multiverse was revealed to me.

The lifeforce Ki coursed through my body, replacing the very blood that flowed through my veins. I heard my heart beat faster and faster until all I heard was a sinister, syncopated hum. My mouth was too feeble to parse my mind, and all I could do was babble, but I watched my primitive babblings take form outside my mouth and contort in fantabulous forms, twisting reality as they moved in their primitive ways. I felt a butterfly flutter its wings halfway around the world. I felt the oceans ripple with the sound of the deepest whale in the world.

I realized that I was attaining a new balance, as the wolves are male priests, who with their howls, were invoking the Apollonian half of the All-Mind -- for my mind was no longer just my own -- and the feminine Moon harkens to the Dionysian half.

It is in this state of bliss that I gazed upon the true nature of Humanity and I was saddened, and I yearned for a lesser understanding. My hands regretted as they pulled away the upper t-shirt.

I now continue to live my life simply, attracting women as the others before me have done. I wear the size that fits me, and I burned away the rest. After all, it's not the size that matters, but how it is used.
- Quiet One

To all of those who have so selfishly purchased and worn the "Three Wolf Moon" T-shirt, I say this: be ashamed. It is obvious that this shirt was meant for so much more than to be worn about by frail mortal beings. So much more in fact I dare say that we must destroy all but one, and to reserve and protect this one "Three Wolf Moon" T-shirt for... the Son of God himself. To be placed about His glorious structure upon His triumphant return to earth. I feel only then will He, the Savior of all mankind, visualize and feel the beauty that we, imperfect sinners, are capable of creating, and just maybe, realize that we may be worth saving.
- Gene "Mere Mortal"

With the 3 wolves moon shirt on, I wandered the countryside, till I happened upon a sword in a stone in the middle of the forest. Walking to it, I placed my hand upon it's mighty handle, and felt the surge of 3 wolves-moon power, and drew it cleanly from the stone.

From the lake across from the stone, the angelic voices of a choir arose, and the Lady of the Lake drew forth, and she spoke "Honorable sir, you have no need of Excalibur, for your three wolves and moon garment grants you more power than anything in this world, or the next. I ask your favor to return the sword as your humble servant".

As she was a hot babe in silvery chain mail goodness, I did return the sword. Then the Lady in the Lake, and I hooked up for the weekend. With her cries of "THE MAN AND SHIRT ARE ONE!"
-Reverend Del "Reverend Del"

My friend and I are going to attempt to trasfer the design to the rear view mirror of my truck. Should increase the horsepower of the vehicle by about 50. Mostly because the horses under the hood will be running in fear of the wolves on my shirt and truck.
- Tyler J. Winegarden

I am the CEO of a large multi-national technology company. At a recent Exec meeting, I questioned the cause of the success of our new VP Sales.

He informed me that his field sales teams have been instucted to wear Three Wolf Moon for ALL client engagements. The professional appearence and respect they they have earned has been instrumental in our survival.
Despite the economic downturn we have seen 2000% growth in sales and are all set for massive windfall bonuses.

I would recommend anyone struggling in the current economic climate to purchase this product to ensure they can weather the storm.
-  M. Tollerman "CEO - Wolven Tech Networks PLC"

First off, I would like to start out with saying, if you don't believe the hype behind this shirt... don't. There is no way to adequately describe the sheer awesomeness of this shirt in a simple review. And no, I don't mean awesome as in the colloquial version kids throw around today meaning "kinda cool." I mean awesome in the sense it was originally intended, as in watching Godzilla and John McCain battle head to head during a thunderstorm in the middle of the Grand Canyon at sunset just after a solar eclipse.
- Colin C "Colin"

I have cats and I am a man. You're probably thinking that is a contradiction. However, my cats are especially masculine. You might have heard of a little something called a lion... well the only difference between my cats and a lion is my cats never sleep. My cats are so tough. They are not afraid of water. They take showers with me. So I bought this shirt because I also like wolves. Big mistake. Upon seeing my shirt both of my cats died instantly while bodily fluids poured out of every orifice in their bodies. I'm telling you right now you do not want to see this. Whatever you're imagining this must be like it is much worse in person. Sometimes I think back to the cat times, but mostly I think of the future. This Three Wolf Moon shirt may have killed my two cats, but now I have three Wolves. Incidentally, the Wolves' food is much cheaper as they feed on female attention.
- T.I.C.

I will admit I was reticent to order this, my fear being "would Amazon actually sell ME a Three Wolf Moon shirt? Was I worthy enough to rock such an outfit? Was I even ready?" I realized that was just the Banana Republic part of me talking and I should never, ever listen to it again. So I finally worked up my courage and placed my order. When my day of glory came, even the mailman knew there was something extraordinary about this particular package because he handed it to me with a wink and a smile. Then he disappeared into thin air, but that is a tale for another time.

I could actually feel the package pulsating in my arms. I quickly opened it and I must tell you right now, I was not expecting what happened next. I unfolded my elegant raven garment (Amazon calls it a 'shirt', but that's like saying Johnny Cash was just a man) and lay my gaze upon those silkscreen wolves....

...I've never felt so much like Toby Keith in my life.
- Byron 'Gator' Mcintyre

I love this shirt- There is only ONE thing BETTER, that I find myself wearing more. My black tee with the twin towers. It has an eagle flying over the towers with a yellow ribbon that says "Never Forget". At the foot of the towers is an NY fire dept. helmet.. amongst some rubble. You should all know. We should NEVER FORGET. I am currently designing a 9-11 NEVER FORGET design with inclusion of the 3 wolves. Then I will never have to make the hard decision of which shirt to wear. Send me your design ideas on HOW to make this even better. Add a moon? some Bats? I was maybe thinking - the General Lee?
-  www.twitter.com/Bo_Matthews.

I have experienced many highs in my life. The scratch-off lottery ticket I purchased in lieu of a bottle of Boone's Farm that resulted in $500 spending cash. The used black Camaro I bought with those winnings. Meeting Hulk Hogan. But nothing compares with the day my Three Wolves One Moon t-shirt arrived...

...From around the corner came an enormous, weathered gray wolf. He approached me with a gleam in his eye, stepped off his customized Segway, and dropped a brown package from his dripping maw. I thanked the beast and bid him adieu. Before I could so much as lean over to pick up the package it rose into the air with a loud hum, split open and there before me hovered the Three Wolves One Moon t-shirt.

That was thirteen months ago. Thirteen months of adventures that I can barely describe lest I be labeled a lunatic. A few highlights for the true believers:

- The spirits of Bruce Lee, Brandon Lee and Sara Lee have visited me on occasion, drawn by the mystic power of the wolves three. They share secrets of the dead and we play cornhole from dusk to dawn.

- When the moon is full I am compelled to seek out and Greco-Roman wrestle the legendary Bigfoot. Afterwards we dine at the closest Waffle House.

- One afternoon the shirt displaced me in time and space. I found myself face to face with four young men in a struggling rock band. Inspired by the shirt, I scrawled lyrics onto the Big Gulp I had traveled with and bade them take it. And that's how `Hungry Like the Wolf' was born.
- R. Henderson "Wolf Starchild"

When my order arrived, I was not disappointed. As the UPS truck was driving down the street with my delivery, my female neighbors began opening their doors and stepping outside. I suspect the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt contains powerful lupine pheromones.

The shirt is made up of soft cotton. I was grateful to see this as it flexed as my muscles grew after donning this garment.

The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt gave me a +10 resistance to energy attacks, +8 Strength, and added 30 feet to my normal leap. I cannot list the specific effects involving the opposite sex as I am still discovering these. And they are many.

Since owning the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, I have successfully solved 7 crimes in my city, including 4 cold case murders. The local police force is currently wishing to retain my services.

I do have one complaint, and that's that I must stay indoors on windy days. Last fall we had a windy day and I received notice that hundreds of women were suddenly pregnant, carrying my offspring, up to 12 miles away.
- Lupidorr Theopian

In the ancient world, the role of the shaman was to purge and quell your earthly vessel of the evil spirits that permeated the universe and all its inhabitants. Through meditational practices, various oils, and constant focus, these shaman spoke directly to the spirits that lie malignant within your soul. They called this soul "Shakira" and its gyrations were rare and indeed powerful...

...In this world, the shaman has become a myth. His role as intermediary between the world of spirits and the world of man has been all but forgotten. Yet the malaise remains. It resides in our love handles. Our inability to maintain an erection. Our hatred of other races. Our yellow toenails. Inside of our livers, countless toxins sap us of our life force.

Where has he gone, this ethereal creature known as the shaman? Will our shakiras ever gyrate properly? Will our colons ever release all that rancid roast beef?

Woven deep within the mountains of shaman country, the three wolves design is specifically formulated to wick harmful toxins from deep within your loins, where it is channeled through the howling wolves and into the aurora borealis, where it will remain forever. On certain nights, when the northern lights shine brightly as a reminder that your soul has been cleansed, you'll thank the three wolves brand t-shirt for the salvation you have received.
- thewolfontheright "wolfjam"

When I put on this shirt, my penis grew three inches - one for each wolf, I suspect.
- southcitymom

To only supply five stars to rate this "item" is insufficient and an audacious oversight. This is not an item, but instead a life tool for anyone seeking an inner peace. You do not "wear" this shirt. It "owns" you... This gift is like Cialis for the soul.
- Don A. Hulse

Recently, my girlfriend asked me to meet her parents. I was hesitant at first, and declined the offer for a couple of months. Finally, she wore me down and got me to agree. Her parents are rich enough to own Bill Gates, and they insisted that we go to some nice steak restaurant. Despite her objections, I wore this shirt.

The first thing her father noticed on me was this shirt and, upon shaking my hand, he started to call me son. As soon as we sat down, he wrote me a check for 100,000 dollars and told me to call him if I ever needed anything, and her beautiful mother began rubbing my leg in a not unpleasent way.

Half way through the dinner, a man collapsed at the table next to us. I jumped to my feet and assessed the situation. I discovered that he was choking on a rather large piece of steak. Now I have no medical training, but the shirt showed me how to save this man's life. And I did.

So grateful for my actions, the man paid for my dinner and gave me the keys to his new corvette outside. Then the waiters all gave me their tips, winking at me and mouthing "nice shirt."
- David Luzader

I accidentally spilled a glass of Tuscan Whole Milk down the front of this shirt, and my soul was torn from my body and thrown into heaven by a jealous God.
- Chaon

I bought four of these T-shirts one for myself (size XXXL) and one for each of my Avatars (Small, Medium and ages 2-4).
- Tonksy

Feel free to add more in the comments, but all lame entries will be deleted.

Green Day got oooooold

 

image via Vulture

Is this a legitimate contest, or a child molester's elaborate attempt to crowdsource kiddie photos?

Seriously.

IDS09: Awesome

Because I work in advertising (and because one of the clients I work on is IKEA), I got to attend the Interior Design Show this past weekend. It was awesome. Here are some highlights (expand to see captions):



More to come!

Showgirls has some competition

Wow. Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino looks like the worst movie in over a decade. This trailer effed me up in the theater. I thought it was an About Schmidt-style comedy. Half way through, it hits: he's totally serious. Rotten Tomatoes has it at 76% (certified fresh), but I'm assuming this has something to do with the fact that many reviewers see Eastwood as someone who can't do any wrong. 

NY Mag's Vulture blog has a great list of the year's 10 worst films and it covers some highlights in scathing movie reviews. It got me thinking that I should look up reviews for Gran Torino. I'm so glad I did.

"A terribly dated mix of 8-Mile, The Karate Kid and Death Wish. The desperate last gasp of pre-Obama Era intolerance." Kam Williams, NewBlaze

"Oh my god, it's finally happened: Someone made Hey You Kids Get Off My Lawn: The Motion Picture." - MaryAnn Johanson, Flick Filosopher

"Gran Torino is most fun when it's working on the level of performance art, and much of the time, it resembles an art school take on an insult comic's one-man show." - Karina Longworth, Spoutblog

"And you thought Walt was kidding when he told his son early on that people would show up after the funeral because he 'suppose they heard there's gonna be a lot of ham.'" - Eark Childress, eFilmCritic.com

"At his finest, he delivers thesis lines, the ones about how terrible it is to kill a man—as Walt did in Korea—with the subtle but insistent quaver of a great jazz musician filling a measure to bursting: His day wasn’t made after all. But most of his readings would be too broad for even the movies he made with farting orangutans." - David Edelstein, NY Mag

If Dolce and Gabanna put this on the runway, y'all know everyone would think it was amazing

This is so hot I can't stand it. Seriously.

Lezzy <3 Top-siders

A few weeks ago I decided that I wouldn't buy any new shoes that aren't loafers. I have a pair of patent black ones for work that have proven both comfortable and awesome to look at when I need a break from staring into my computer screen.
Sperry Top-Sider is effing up my ability to move away from this loafer obsession. They have all sorts of top-siders and WASP standards, like rainboots with little whales on them and these:

You know how it's really gross to see a grown man or woman dressed as a baby on Halloween?

This whole video is just that creepy. And it's awesome.

The Ultimate L Word Spoiler

At last! This is so awesome! In episode 6.3 Shane & Jenny will FINALLY have sex/love each other 4ever. Thanks to LesPlanet for compiling a series of stills from the episode into a shot by shot breakdown of what occurs:

YESSSSSSSS

PS There are rumors that Jenny dies this season. That would be major balls.

Lezzy <3 Conrad Black

Before you hate on him, read this excerpt from Black's article in the Times UK:

My appeal continues. Given the putrefaction of the US justice system, it is an unsought but distinct honour to fight this out and already to have won 85% of the case and 99% of the financial case. The initial allegation against me of a “$500m corporate kleptocracy” has shrunk to a false finding against me - that even some of the jurors have already fled from in post-trial comments – of the underdocumented receipt of $2.9m. There is no evidence to support this charge.

It has been a grim pleasure to expose the hypocrisy of the corporate governance establishment, who have bankrupted our Canadian company and reduced the share price of the American one from $21, when I left, to a miraculous two cents (yes, two cents). They have vaporised $2 billion of public shareholder value; fine titles in several countries have deteriorated; and for their infamies, the protectors of the public interest have cheerfully trousered more than $200m.

US federal prosecutors, almost all of whom would be disbarred for their antics if they were in Britain or Canada, win more than 90% of their cases thanks to the withering of the constitutional guarantees of due process – that is, the grand jury as an assurance against capricious prosecution, no seizure of property without just compensation, access to counsel, an impartial jury, speedy justice and reasonable bail.

We did not know the grand jury was sitting, have never seen the transcript of its proceedings and I was denied counsel of choice by the ex parte seizure, which the jury later judged to be improper, of the proceeds of the sale of an apartment in New York that I was going to use as the retainer for trial counsel.

The system is based on the plea bargain: the barefaced exchange of incriminating testimony for immunity or a reduced sentence. It is intimidation and suborned or extorted perjury, an outright rape of any plausible definition of justice.

The US is now a carceral state that imprisons eight to 12 times more people (2.5m) per capita than the UK, Canada, Australia, France, Germany or Japan. US justice has become a command economy based on the avarice of private prison companies, a gigantic prison service industry and politically influential correctional officers’ unions that agitate for an unlimited increase in the number of prosecutions and the length of sentences. The entire “war on drugs”, by contrast, is a classic illustration of supply-side economics: a trillion taxpayers’ dollars squandered and 1m small fry imprisoned at a cost of $50 billion a year; as supply of and demand for illegal drugs have increased, prices have fallen and product quality has improved.

This is radical and awesome. Conrad Black is slowly redeeming himself and reinventing himself as a snarky social commentator. Yessssss. Read the rest here . I found out about the article through Gawker .

It's what's inside that counts

This is what I look like on the inside. I need this doll.

Music that'll rock your socks (i promise)

Here's a list I started last Thursday. It's crazy awesome, and I plan to use this music to get me through my weekend cleaning regimen. A track-by-track rundown:

1. I Suck (ft Rivers Cuomo) - Mark Ronson: This track combines my love of 90s nostalgia (remember when Weezer was cool?) and Mark Ronson's evolving production. Gone is his signature 60s Wall of Sound style. He, like all great producers, has taken some time to undergo a renewal instead of copying himself and getting stale (ahem, Timbaland). This is 90s-style slacker rock at its best. With swears!
2. Fuck You Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups: Recently I discover Hypem, a music blog aggregator that tells you which songs are all over the scenester blog community. And this was topping the list. It's very mellow and another 90s style offering. Expect lots of hipsters to be sexing to this music within the next couple of months.
3. Never Miss a Beat - Kaiser Chiefs: This is the lead single off the Mark Ronson produced Off With Their Heads. Sorry for the crummy quality, but this song'll give you the gist and reinforces that a) Mark Ronson 2.0 is amazing and, b) the Kaiser Chiefs haven't disappointed.
4. I Heard it Through the Grapevine - Kaiser Chiefs: I love original version of this song so much that I would normally scoff at anyone touching it. But the Kaiser Chiefs can do no wrong right now. I'd give a million pesos to see this performed energetically in concert.
5. Let There Be Love (Justice vs. Kanye West) - Party Ben: Usually I ignore Justice mashups. There are so many of them, and most of them sound the same. But this mashup - it's like the fact that Love Lockdown was lacking (unless you're just evaluating it as a progression of Kanye's production career) and this was exactly what it needed.
6. Coldest Winter - Kanye West: Have you ever asked yourself the question, "What if Kanye West turned into Sting?" This track leaked off West's upcoming 808s and Heartbreaks answers that question. My Sting-loving stepmother would loooove this song. But so do I. 
7. Kelly - Van She: This song has all the scenester blogs creaming themselves right now. It's a totally synthed up, American Apparel-ready, authentically 80s mimicking song. And a new remix version appears every 3 seconds. This is my new shower song.
8. Womanizer (The Teenagers Remix) - Britney Spears: I'm not a Teenagers fan. They seem like a Perez Hilton band. But this remix makes the chorus of Womanizer (and its aside around 2:30) ear candy.
9. Keeps Getting Better (Tricky Remix) - Christina Aguilera: You know why Aguilera's single kicks ass? Because it isn't some Madonna-aspiring 40s redux vanity project. It takes Aguilera back to aggressive bubblegum. And I'm betting this remix will be the one favored by drag queens across the globe.
10. Dance Dreams (Lady Gaga vs. Eurythmics) - Divide & Kreate: It only took a couple of listens of Just Dance before I thought, "Somewhere out there, there is a mashup of this song with Sweet Dreams". One google search later, here it is. It's mediocre, but a nice novelty.
11. Help, I'm Alive (radio edit) - Metric: Metric lost me for a while there. They sucked when I say them in concert. Their last album was a clusterfuck. But this song signals good things. Like a 90s alterna sound. And a chorus that makes me want to become a lesbian all over again just to sleep with Emily Haines.
12. Who'd Have Known - Lily Allen: This song makes me love Lily Allen even more. It has a laid back vibe like her earlier MySpace releases Since You've Gone and I Don't Know. And the chorus borrows heavily from Take That's comeback anthem Shine. A cute little love song.
13. Everyone's At It - Lily Allen: An unsuccessful attempt at witty commentary (the subject of overprescribing drugs has been tackled before - and better). But an excellent song. It sounds pretty and new.
14. Spaceman - The Killers: Their first single Human already dropped a while ago. So this is brand new. And it sounds less contemplative and more fun. The Killers have finally written a song that doesn't sound like something from an extra broody episode of The OC.
15. Cobrastyle (Bloody Beetroots remix) - Robyn: Cobrastyle was one of the weaker songs on Robyn's album. But this remix breathes a new life into it. 
16. My Deeper Love - Aretha vs Justin Timberlake: I'm tired of writing descriptions. Just listen to the damn thing and you'll feel like making love to the next person you see.

Metric goes 90s

This is Metric's new track Help Me I'm Alive (radio edit). It kicks major ass. It leaves the coked out paranoia techno behind for a more guitar-driven 90s sound.
Download here .

Unfortunate

I came back from England in 2004 with my ears craving all the fab music I'd heard over there. Razorlight was a favourite. But this happened:

Just say no

I'm not one to preach, but I've always been an advocate of people staying away from cocaine. Since meth became the new scary drug (and everyone forgot how easy it is to transition from coke to crack), coke looked positively friendly. Not so.
Annnyway. Meth was the real-life bogeyman, but it looks like the economy is turning that around. Gawker is reporting that NYC clubbing gays are all over now that coke's price has gone up. They're calling it 'Bristol' (HA). But they also mentioned the Faces of Meth campaign, which I wanted to put up as a good scare for anyone assuming meth is alright now. It isn't. And coke wasn't either.

Dream Home: Heather Kerzner in Tatler (UK)

This home was also in Bazaar, where I first fell in love with it. The Warhol prints! The white modern meets candy/floral colours aesthetic! It's like Jonathon Adler, with everything tacky or 70s taken out. Anti-depressive living for realsies. I scanned this shiz, so y'all better read it.

Sorry for being a jerk

I know. I know. I haven't blogged in a zillion years. I've been busy with an internship that has been very fulfilling and equally as time-consuming. But I plan to update whenever something strikes me as awesome. Which will hopefully be awesome. So, bear with me. And know that I love every one of you who has stuck with me through this dry spell.

Lezzy does not <3 car crashes

Today my sister and I took a cab down Avenue Rd to meet my mother for a movie. Both of us got in the backseat and chatted and joked around. Neither of us were wearing our seatbelts. I thought about it for a second, but I always think cab seatbelts are covered in bacteria and thought since we weren't highway driving, I 'd just leave it.

When we reached Avenue and Lowther, another van came out of nowhere (they were making a left turn and didn't see us when they switched lanes). Apparently I yelled "Stop" (though I don't remember this) just before we were hit. Our cab wasn't going superfast, but the van that hit us was definitely going waaay fast. I saw my sister hit her head/nose on the seat in front of her (she wasn't expecting it and didn't see what was happening) and I tensed up and put my hands out in front of me. That stopped me from hitting my head (at least I think it did), but I did get thrown forward and then back pretty quickly. I also hit my leg and got a nasty bruise. 

Long story short, my sister and I went to the hospital and we're both 100% alright. We both have whiplash, which will be at its worst in 24 hours and then get better over the course of a week. I was reminded today of the kindness of strangers. While some people just stopped around the crash site to gawk and loudly state their theories about what happened, plenty more asked us if we were okay, and if there was anything they could do. The people at Marc Anthony salon (right on the corner) brought out water and were so lovely.

Somehow (I won't say miraculously because I hate that word and the egotism it implies), my sister and I both managed to only be as injured as someone wearing a seatbelt would be. We are both extremely lucky, and a lack of injuries like this when two people aren't wearing seatbelts is rare. I am thankful that my sister is alright and that I'm okay.

I don't like to preach, but I thought I would use this blog to remind all of you how important it is to wear a seatbelt, especially in a cab. We got lucky, but I'll never not buckle up again. For realsies, buckle it up. 

<3 Lezzy

Hef's twins = Incest Ain't Best

This whole GND breakup thing is tearing me up inside. I thought Holly and Hef were forever. They were trying to get knocked up! Holly pretended to like Flash Gordon serials for Hef! The other girls were moving on and Holly would finally reign supreme. Alas, all the grotesque-yet-adorable fairytale the Girls Next Door (and Holly herself) sold us about their May-December romance ending with the two of them riding off into the sunset was all lies! I feel betrayed! Whatever happened to their promise to spend the rest of their lives together!?
Apparently 6 months ago Hef broke it down for Holly like this: his sperm count was low (surprise, surprise) so there would be no baby. And he would never marry her. Ever. I guess Holly's biological clock was ticking and she had to move on to less wrinkly pastures. But still!
I am seriouslt upset you guys. This show is all I have to distract me from the crappy economy (and the possibility that my internship won't be extended or turn into a job). I NEEDED all this to work out.
And now Hef is hooking up with THIS:

These twins look like Brooke Hogan! They're currently sharing a bathroom with Holly, as they have adjoining bedrooms (Holly moved out of Hef's room and into another one down the hall). The girls were staying at the Playmate house (that Holly decorated) up til a little while ago.
This is just sad. And incestuous! I know all about the bedroom habits of Hef et al (thanks to the trashy tell-all Bunny Tales by former girlfriend Izabella St James). These girls watch one another service Hef at the very least. Hopefully they're not putting on any twofer shows. SICK.
Word on the street is that the twinsies were introduced to all Hef's friends on a recent movie night and encouraged him to drink way too much. They made him look a fool! Now that Holly's out the door, it's a free-for-all.
Scandalist via Buzznet
Pictures via the Twins' MySpace

Format switch!

I got rid of the expandable posts. They were ugly. 

There's enough ugliness in the world without my blog being effed up.

Reader Appreciation: Free Harajuku Lovers for me, Free Harajuku Lovers for you

Ah, the sweet smell of selling out. Just kidding. Selling out involves accepting payment to pretend you like something when really you couldn't give a damn. I already like L.A.M.B. (I have the first perfume). And I'm not getting paid to promote Harajuku Lovers perfume. I'm just letting the good folks at Matchstick shower me with free stuff. Yesssss.
I just got this Harajuku Lovers kit in the mail:

Inside was all this stuff:

Here's what I get to keep:

Sample bottles of all 5 Harajuku Lovers fragrances (Love, Lil' Angel, G, Music Baby), a charm bracelet, a supercute make-up bag, and and a 10mL Love fragrance. This is lucky, because I like the Love fragrance. The G one is my favourite though. It smells like suntan lotion and oranges and beaches. So, what's in it for you, you ask?
I could be a real dick and keep everything for myself, but as part of my ongoing effort not to be a turd, I'm gonna share the rest of the loot.
This means I'll be giving away some sample vial kits:

Up close they look like this:

Finally, y'all will also get a coupon for 1500 Shoppers Optimum Points, which you can redeem with the purchase of any of the Harajuku Lovers perfumes. Whew. Let me know in the comments if y'all want your freebies. Or email me to ask. First come, first serve!

Lezzy <3 Hillary Duff

I admit, I watched Cinderella Story when I was way too old for it. Hey, I worked at Blockbuster for a whole summer with 10 free rentals a week. You watch a lot of stuff.
I always liked Hillary (or Hil, as irritating MuchMusic VJ calls her, implying that they're beeeest friends). Now I like her even more for participating in this ad campaign from the Advertising Council and the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network:

Also, Dignity was a fab dance album. Especially the delicious track, Never Stop. It was totally early 90s Madonna.
And I'm giving it to you, in the form of a Ron-Hermione shipper fanvid:

Free Harajuku Lovers Perfume

Attention readers! Matchstick is sending me a ton of free Harajuku Lovers stuff, and they're extending an offer to you as well. If you're Canadian, this means you'll get free perfume samples just for being a Lezzy McGuire reader! Yay!
Check it out:

Noooo

Holly and Hef are no more.
See TMZ for video of Holly saying she isn't Hef's girlfriend anymore. Note that this could be a lame joke made to be serious through editing, but it's a long shot.
:(